"Don't worry, I got an idea. An idea so smart, my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about."
"Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time."
"Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually."
"Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma! . . . Hi!"
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Lois, this is not my Batman glass."
"You better watch who you call a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, then you know what that makes you? A pedophile! And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert!"